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Foreboding and achievement – Polishing the diamond
If as a 40 plus father of two, reasonable day job, carrying historical injuries from the contact sports most young men/post midlife crisis adults carry and complain about i.e. rugby, karate and racewalking you were to be told that as a minus 50 (year old) you’d spend a weekend away from home in the company of a hundred others culminating in an exam that would make you as nervous as you had ever been in your life, leaving you as shattered as you had ever been in your life, I believe I would have thought for an extremely short moment and said "….no I don’t think so!".
At midday on Saturday 19th May 2007 I found myself lining up with those hundred or so, many of who, like myself were aspirants of a higher grade and progression up our own personal Mount Everest (that is Goju-Ryu karate). |
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The journey from my Goju-Ryu "base camp" began in October 2003. Having experienced karate post adolescence, and seeking an outlet and direction for the energies of my 10 year-old son I took him along to a recommended karate club. I soon found myself taking comparable notes and discussing these and my karate experiences and observations with the teacher, Sensei Feridun Shakir. Soon I found myself ‘having left something in the car’ a bland excuse to find a quiet alcove to experience the Goju foundations of San Dan Gi and Gekisai dai. The former I managed, the latter was akin to a physical form worthy of Salvador Dali. About six months into my sons training Feridun Sensei began subtle, friendly goading. He could see my rekindled interest in ‘the way’ but perhaps was aware that a direct challenge would have been met with a similarly direct stubborn, rebuttal (we have yet to discuss this as Teacher and student….?).
After quarrels with my ego I came to my senses and asked Sensei to be accepted as his student but with the condition that I would not be expected to grade for at least a year (I had enthusiastically started karate in my early twenties, arranging work to get to training, booking annual leave for gasshaku’s and reading whatever karate literature fodder I could feast my eyes on. The honeymoon over, I was soon to be discouraged by emerging, unfounded attitudes and behaviours, the karate calendar became dominated by money spinning competitions and soon the spirit of karate, for me diminished. Forays into Aikido and Ju Jutsu were similarly tainted and the distraction of fatherhood and club rugby were sufficient to ’keep the martial way at bay!’ The point being is that I wanted to train for training sake and if after a year that wasn’t enough then it was not the path I wanted to be on. Sensei Feridun quite rightly pointed out that as the teacher it was for him to decide but accepted I had my reasons and that I would be welcome to train. |
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We return again to where I found myself, Bournemouth, midday Saturday 19th may 2007 and the start of the EGKA Spring black belt weekend. I was here foremost in my mind to pass the 1st kyu grading the following day. I have trained with Sensei Ernie Molyneux, Sensei Roy Flatt et al many times and was really looking forward to their unique teaching ways but as with every foreign land where there is a corner that is forever England, for that day there was forever a corner of my mind anticipating the test that was to come the following day!
However there were plenty of times when I found myself focused on the present. Sensei Peter Galer took us to that place, through a combination of technique, endurance and above all spirit culminating in mae geri, yoko geri, mawashi geri, ushiro geri, kiai! The kiai, I believe as a karate lay person, to be the embodiment of the spirit of karate and that that kiai, following the mental and physical challenge represents the true focus of karate (I’ve tried sitting like a dragon chanting ‘Ohm’, it didn’t work).
Sensei Roy’s path to that focus or concentration was through ippon kumite, With Feeling. The bruises and bumps of the punch, punch kick and sweep combinations told me to concentrate on the present (and my partner) forget about tomorrow.
Bookending these two lessons were of course the traditional Goju Ryu warm up, junbi undo, and lessons from other senior teachers each having their own style and emphasis.
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Sensei Ernie led us all through Gekisai dai ichi (which he was to do the following day in a smaller group), the feeling of rhythm and focus when performing Gekisai dai with 100 other karate ka particularly when so many are of a senior grade is saturating. Sensei Ernie has previously said there should be a mental count between each technique performed in any kata, within the kata are groups of techniques performed at different tempos. Being part of such a gathering braced the determination to strive for higher standards, particularly sharper technique.
Sunday 20th May, 1 p.m. and the grading had begun. Taking our lines the sense of foreboding of the coming test tempered the natural feeling of excitement before such an anticipated challenge. Whilst the training of the previous two days had sharpened the mind and the body there had been subtle nuances, differences to what I had previously learned. Whilst there was reassurance from each teacher that this would not be a reason for failure, in the back of your mind is that the fear that conscious adjustment of what should be by now firmly based in the sub conscious and beyond the ego, would cause that fatal (in the martial sense……) stutter or falter, leading to that blank screen and that desolate question of ‘what am I supposed to be doing here ?’
However once we had begun the Goju warm up that we all know so well, the doubt disappeared. There was a different sense of purpose now reinforced by Sensei Ernie, Sensei Roy and the rest of the examination panel being suited (but not booted!) in their grading number ones.
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The hall was filled to capacity; seniors attempting 1st and 2nd kyu were at the front, junior 1st kyu to dan grades in the middle and senior dan grade aspirants to the rear. To begin with every one tested together, basic techniques sharpened with the tenth-technique-kiai. As someone who was in the front line this created a tremendous feeling of unity, all individuals but in the same boat. Combinations followed basics and kata followed combinations. The warm up, basics and combinations had all been clearly demonstrated by Sensei Ernie but now we were on our own. Katas Gekisai dai, Saifa, San dan gi, number one and two, as would be senior grades these elementary but important katas should be second nature. Renzoku kumite (choku sen gekisai) provided brief respite to unleash. From Seiyunchin onwards smaller groups were called forward to demonstrate the necessary proficiency for the next grade. From hereon as a one at the bottom of the grading scale (there were students grading up to 4th dan) there followed longer periods of waiting and shorter but intense periods of examination.
The ebb and the flow of waiting and performing had a rhythm of its own, warming up cooling down, mentally rehearsing what was to come, observing and dare I say critiquing those being examined. The senior grades having completed Tensho everyone was ‘back on the mat’ for bunkai. The hall reverberated with irregular kiai’s as pairs set out at their own pace, the first technique slow the second fast, everyone showing zanchin (awareness) as application called for attackers to be swept or taken down. Every so often there would be a crescendo of shouting as everyone seemed to be attacking/defending at the same time. Breaks were taken to drink, you must drink during such a challenge. As a wise athletics coach told me, if you wait until you’re thirsty it’s too late… but right about now, between the bunkai and the sparring that was to follow I started to feel my forty plus (plus!) years. Sometimes an inspirational pep talk from a friend or coach provides the distraction from your physical/mental woes to get through the hard times. Sometimes it can be completely unexpected. And so it was. As we lined up for the sparring, Sensei Roy left us in no doubt that anyone going in too hard would rouse an inner most emotion of his and the two would find themselves to be three…..but we all knew that would be for a very short time! With everyone blowing from the exertion of the sparring, our group had, dare I say, a welcome break albeit in the form of hojo undo.
Other groups were still sparring and there was evident weariness on faces, as much I believe, from the mental application to the testing last three hours, than from physical exertion. I raised, lowered and swung the chi shi. Up and down in shiko dachi in time to the upper body movements, thoughts of the press ups, sit ups, squats that were to come was blocked out by revisiting the last three hours, I know I had made two mistakes. Throughout Sensei Ernie and the other examining Sensei walked up and down between rank and file. Throughout the afternoon we had been weighed, we had been measured, had we been found to be wanting ? I knew what I had done wrong, I had completed those kata’s a hundred times and will perform them a further hundred times again. But it’s what you do on the day of the race that counts. It was during these distracting thoughts that I looked across and saw Feridun, friend and Sensei. There was no particular look, but the presence and inspiration he provides week in week out at the Chalti dojo, and I returned to the matter in hand (the chi shi!). Whilst the press ups, sit ups and squats were not easy (at 6’6” and lean of frame I believe them to be, in principal, heightist and against my human rights) they were not the struggle I had anticipated. Goju Ryu karate requires application of the mind, running or simple physical exercise allows the mind to wander and this was an opportunity for brief solely physical respite. |
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The exam over every one shook hands and time for a drink. We were then all called back to our lines by Sensei Ernie as the panel set about their deliberations. Sitting there waiting doubts rise up “they did see my mistakes, was I low enough, was I out of synch?” Prior to announcing the results Sensei Ernie thanked everyone teachers and students for their efforts, he and the EGKA pleasantly surprised by such a large attendance. Then the results, successful candidates’ names, from 2nd kyu upwards were read out, the student was to stand, bow in acknowledgement and sit down. To hear my name (at my age!) was as close to euphoric as I could imagine. Putting such a feeling into perspective comparing it to life, death, family, work etc is not rational following such a test lasting over, three and a half hours, prepared for over the last four years. I sat there humming whilst the senior results were announced, ready to spring up like jack in the box. That didn’t happen and as I slowly unwound and turned I realised that my euphoria was matched by shattered looks of those who had not been successful.
I weaved my way between all the other bodies and found those who had helped me on the way, Sensei Ernie, Sensei Roy, Feridun Sensei of course, Caglar my personal training partner for the last few months and the rest of the Chalti Dojo. As a collective everyone sees a different ‘i’ that needs dotting or ‘t’ that needs crossing. Thank you for your help with in my karate.
Footnote: Feridun Sensei and I talked about karate all the way home to Sidcup and I spent Monday and Tuesday sick in bed with manflu!
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